My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
