i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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