if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
love makes seman taste better
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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