I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
