Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is Oprah even human
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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