No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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