I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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