love makes seman taste better
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
