And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
