I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
