I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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