Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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