is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
