I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Help. Why am I so naked?
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