apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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