Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
