The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
