fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
