i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
