I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
