I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
