loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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