I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
