There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
