I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
