i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
