yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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