we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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