I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
