Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
