This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
