There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
