What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Did I show you my penis last night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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