WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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