you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
