i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
