My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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