Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
