can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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