Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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