It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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