I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
