And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
