I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
