Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
