i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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