I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
as a side note pls kill me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
