he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
