one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
