If that was your dad, he is hot
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's like iHOP with fire
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
