thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
