There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
