I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
