I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
