woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
