He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
