i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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