If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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