Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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