Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
