good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
