I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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