omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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