gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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