Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
