If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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