i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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