True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were trust falling into bushes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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