WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
