Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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