I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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