remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
