My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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