you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
