True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
