2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
