So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Farmville is her only friend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
