Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
