I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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