I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
