apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
